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A love letter to fall…

Growing up, my favorite season was summer for the sole reason of no school and my birthday. I associated summer with family friend parties and potluck and playing with kids my age, then begging for sleepovers. I associated summer with more free time so I could play Minecraft and read fantasy and mystery series for as long as I wanted. I associated summer with late night Target runs, Rocco’s pizza, Starbucks refreshers, the smell of asphalt after the rain.

Then I decided I liked spring more. Because summer was just too hot and when you think about it, you’re actually just seeing a bunch of grass die because of the dry, desert heat (even though I lived in Buffalo). Plus, liking a season because my birthday was during it became less of a good reason to like a season - I convinced myself I wasn’t self centered like that, and actually had more dimension to my personality to be able to love a season all about bringing life. Because that was what spring was to me: flowers blooming, grass growing, the dewdrops and mist on the spiderwebs that formed on the bushes. Spring brought color to an otherwise dark world. It brought rolly pollies tumbling on the sidewalk as you waited for your bus and leaf and berry sandwiches for the insects and birds. It was a perfect middle temperature; it was perfect everything.

And then I began to like fall. Which seemed contradictory because if summer was all about dying grass, what about dying trees? Finding joy in the dry leaves falling onto the ground, glee when you jump into them and crush them to pieces. But fall, to me, is all about the little things. The crisp, cold air, the apple picking, pumpkin decorating, Halloween festivities. The autumn flavors of warm cinnamon and clove, the comfort of fleece and scarves against your skin, the homemade VHS horror movies on the old TV box and of course, the changing colors of the leaves. Fall brings color to an otherwise dark world. Except instead of trying to brighten it, it enhances it. It’s one of the only seasons where there is mystery and excitement to the darkness, where the darkness is almost welcomed by us.

And in a way, it becomes more important because of how fleeting it is. A brief moment between the extreme heat and the extreme cold, a brief moment of giving thanks and hugging your family a little closer before you get swept away with the rest of the fast paced world beyond you. Fall is like a little bubble. Some time where you can just accept that things end, and maybe find beauty in it.

This fall, I was anxious. I spent most of it in the city, where the leaves were sparse because, to be frank, there were very few trees to begin with. Any tree I saw was an imposter in my eyes; it was manmade, planted by a human. It wasn’t carefully sourced by Mother Nature. It was nothing compared to the mountains and forests where I grew up.

Going back and experiencing fall with my family and friends, even if it was just for a few days, was revitalizing but also sentimental. Taking these photos, I saw more beauty than I have ever seen before. Landscapes that were previously overdone and corny to me were now gifts from the Earth. It reminded me of Smashing Pumpkins and Cocteau Twins, of mom jeans and road trips with your friends, of cozy cafes where every conversation seems to be, “It’s been so long! How are you?” I saw my mom, taking her photos, when suddenly the leaves began to fall peacefully from the trees, circling around and falling down on the ground beside her. I saw another mom teaching her two boys how to fish by the creek, and a dad teaching his kids further down along the bend. Two friends catching up walked on the trail, chatting and laughing amicably. I felt more love than I have ever felt before, and so freely too, flowing through me like water in a brook.

Fall gives us perspective. Because things end so soon after, we begin to feel more appreciative of the things around us. It’s real. It won’t be like this forever. And we actually accept it. We enjoy it for as long as we can. And when it’s gone, we say goodbye with fondness.